Recently, a faith-based organization sought to do something nice for one of America's many prisons. In conjunction with Hallmark Cards, it gave the prisoners as many Mother's Day cards as the inmates wanted to send to their moms. So great was the response that this group did the same thing for Father's Day. Want to guess how many cards these inmates sent out to waiting dads? Zero. The reasons are many, but more than likely these incarcerated men had no positive relationship with a father while growing up.

Consider this: 3 in 10 white kids live in a family with no father present, and that number is rising. Among Hispanic kids, 5 in 10 have no father at home. Fatherlessness in the African-American community is more depressing with 7 in 10 having no Dad in the household. When only urban areas are included, fatherless kids among black families climbs to 9 in 10. Fatherlessness is not a social illness-it is a deadly generational plague.

These are sobering facts we can no longer ignore as someone else's problem. Whatever our race, men in America must reassert Fatherhood in this society. How do we do this? In particular, how will we father our sons to be the fathers of tomorrow?

First, we need to acknowledge that boys and men alike need uniquely male venues to develop into mature young men capable of effective fatherhood. The overriding assumption among feminists is that if it's uniquely male, then it's uniquely bad. In her book The Kinder, Gentler Military, New York Times writer Stephanie Gutman, exposes the failed effort to make the military "gender neutral", thereby watering down the male bonding that was its foundation in years past. Of basic training she observes that young men seek the military experience to earn respect, often from a father who was either absent or distant. Not surprisingly, she notes, some basic training commanders complain that trainees find today's "genderized" boot camp "not tough enough". As one commander aptly noted of young male soldiers, "They are looking for discipline…when you treat'em the worst, they respect you more…they seem to want to be made into men by a strong father figure". Given the increasing number of fatherless youngsters who enter the military, is this any wonder? Feminists and "gender-blenders" have questioned the all-male policy of the Boy Scouts, another important venue for positive male development. When the Virginia Military Institute was compelled to take females, feminists were warned that the VMI experience they earnestly sought through the courts would disappear they day attained it because the inclusion of women would alter forever that which was unique about VMI. And indeed VMI, as like West Point before it, has surrendered the rigor it once possessed to the feminist agenda. So first, reject "gender-blending" arguments.

But male-only settings are only part of the answer. If we are to be effective fathers, we must have not only solid relationships with our sons, we must also be reconciled with our own fathers. Like it or not, we all bear the impressions and scars of the example our fathers gave us. My Dad has passed on. He was a good man, but he wasn't perfect. Were he here today, I'd spend some time with him repairing our relationship. For those men who still have the chance, don't waste another day. Not only will it give you an opportunity to set things right, it will make you a better father. That's half the work. Reconciliation with our sons is just as important. If you've made a mistake with that boy, tell him so. If you're divorced, make sure you reach out to him and no matter how hard it may be, let him know that you love him and regret the pain you may have caused. Not only does this set things right with him, but it prepares him to be an effective father and avoid a legacy of divorce. Reconciliation, top to bottom, is essential if we are to reestablish fatherhood in America.

Finally, understand that 50 percent of being an effective father and mentor is showing up. The rest is listening and guiding. The Hasidic Jews are said to believe that when a child is in the womb, an angel sings him a song that is uniquely his. When he is born, he forgets the song and must live the remainder of his life in search of "the song of his heart". The essence of fatherhood is helping our children-both sons and daughters-find the "song of their hearts". You can't do that over email or by the phone or if you are too busy with "important stuff". You have to be there.

America can't help its youth, nor effectively develop the fathers of the next generation if there are no dads to do the job. Happy Father's Day.

L. Scott Lingamfelter lives with his family in Lake Ridge.