Mother's Day honors moms across our nation. But have we failed them and marriage as an institution through "no fault" divorce laws? These laws presume that parties in a divorce are without fault and have no hope of reconciliation. In reality, no fault divorce "reform" has impoverished women and children in American while breeding a divorce culture that has devastated marriage as an institution.

Consider the evidence. Since the advent of no fault divorce in the late 1960's and early 70's nearly half of all marriages now end in separation. Imagine the public outcry if one in every airplane that took off crashed. Commentators would be talking about a safety crisis of titanic proportions. Yet no such laments can be heard about divorce despite the fact that broken marriages often result in increased alcoholism, suicide, and depression in the affected adults while leaving many moms impoverished and the children of broken families inclined to similar fates.

In "no fault" divorces, only 40 percent of mothers receive child support, resulting in a whopping 56 percent of single mom households living in poverty. Alarmingly, children of divorce are twice as likely to drop out of school, 30 percent more likely to become involved in crime, and 40 percent more likely to have children out of wedlock than kids of two parent homes. Sadly, kids of divorced parents are 40 to 50 percent more inclined to split with their chosen spouse. Divorce is a plague of generational dimensions and no fault divorce is its handmaiden. So how do we fix this mess?

First, men and women must re-embrace marriage as a serious, life-long commitment with roles and obligations vis-a-vis each other and society. In 1976, asked how children changes one's life, 45 percent of adults mentioned only the restrictions that parenthood imposes in terms of added responsibility and lost freedom. In 1957, only 30 percent saw marriage and the responsibilities children bring in this light. In the same survey, 1950's respondents tended to describe their family life in terms of duties as husbands, wives, and parents while 1970's people described their life less as an arrangement of roles and more in terms of relationships behind those roles emphasizing "me" over "we". Noted Harvard professor Michael Sandel observes that couples no longer see themselves as "situated selves" bound to responsibilities and obligations bigger than their personal identity rather as "unencumbered selves independent of their roles and unbound by moral ties they choose to reject". Sandel notes that old divorce laws treated persons as "situated" selves with an identity as legal persons tied to their freely and seriously chosen roles. The new "no fault" laws loosen that fundamental tie making family roles easier to shed while relaxing the obligations that attracted them in the first place. After all, for "unencumbered selves" it's no bodies' fault, right?

Second, we need to reform our divorce laws to mitigate the impact on moms and kids while encouraging reconciliation. No fault divorce wrongly presumes a mom's self-sufficiency after divorce when in fact women who are stay at home moms are actually penalized economically in the wake of divorce. Since the law now de-emphasizes her role as a "situated self", she is typically left with less than half of married property, no alimony, minimal child support, and hungry mouths to feed. Moreover, dads, now able to avoid alimony, have all the encouragement in the world to walk away from their obligations. Thankfully, many states are reforming divorce laws to require a "cool off" period for couples (where physical abuse is not an issue) to consider the gravity of a split up. The results are not surprising; more couples are seeking reconciliation, particularly as they weigh the impact of divorce on themselves and their kids.

Third, we must stand firmly against the systematic policy assault on the institution of marriage in America by opposing the efforts of groups who want to redefine the traditional meaning of family in advocating "homosexual unions". The notion of a man and a woman joined together for a life-long monogamous relationship and procreation is under assault by homosexuals demanding the right to adopt children, insisting their "mutual relationship" is equally good to that of a married mom and dad. This distorted thinking reflects the current generation's "me-first" indulgence and an "unencumbered" view of self. The time has come to re-embrace the truth that the traditional family, as described in the Bible and sustained by thousands of years of indisputable evidence, is the fundamental building block of a civilized society.

When we do these things, we will begin to reverse the tragic impact divorce has had on our culture, especially on moms and children. Let's begin the reclamation process by ending no-fault divorce and re-encumbering ourselves with the life-long roles and obligations we freely choose. Happy Mother's Day, all.

L. Scott Lingamfelter lives with his family in Lake Ridge.